This book was a gift from a very good friend. It has been an interesting read as it has helped me to put labels to my own behaviours and explain some situations in my last (and only) relationship.
The book states there are mainly three type of behaviours in relationships
Secure: comfortable with intimacy and communicating.
Avoidant: dont want to get to close for fear to lose independency
Anxious: too preoccupied and overthinking the relationship, requires lot of closeness.
In my case I am mainly avoidant, and I realised that my ex-girlfriend was anxious. And funny enough, it seems the statistics say this is the common common couple because there are few “secure” in the market and relationships between members of the same group are really uncommon. I actually laughed at this! But I think it is quite true.
The goal is not becoming overnight a secure person but to communicate needs from each side to make the gap smaller.
And from other side, people evolve, change for good and bad. So if you are secure doesnt mean you are always going to be secure, if you attachment fires in a weird way to you can end in a bad situation.
While reading this, I was analyzing myself and my former relationship and was funny how many things started to make sense.
Another thing, attachment is not love. That was a relief. Before my former relationship, I got hit by another person and that made me feel like a puppet, I felt like nothing and I hit rock bottom. But that helped me to work on myself seriously. And this can happen to anybody…
And bad attachments can be difficult to break…
Although, this is not just extremes. I think I have been secure in several points but now I have understand myself better and I think I would act better in a new relationship.
As well, this knowledge helps you to filter potential partners or actual ones. So it can help you to improve your relationship.
At the end of the day, (as usual, I am always trying to find the universal truth in books), everything is reduced to communication. Express your needs openly. Make the relationships a two way street that goes to places.
Just finished the third book fo Dune. At some points was quite engaging about all the conspirations, unexpected events, etc. But all the dialogs about the dreams, mixing souls, pass/future were a bit dull as they looked like repetitive. Looking for the next one but I am bit concerned as I guess a bit the next plot…
This book was in my to-read list after all the “conflicts” about people rejecting vaccines during the pandemic. As far as I remember from school, this book was important in the French Revolution and used on most European democracies and constitutions . So I was curious about how the situation would have been managed under the rules of the social contract.
I am was quite surprised that book was quite thin but it was sometimes quite dense (like a good old tiny-letter contract…) and difficult to follow. There are many comments about Sparta, Venice, Jewish law and mainly Rome. And comments from other authors mainly Montesquieu and Maquiavelo.
In general, I consider JJ Rousseau a pure romantic. It seems man is good by nature and the common will makes things fall into its place… As the goal of this contract is to maintain the human freedom in the society. As well, this contract proves that the right of the strongest doesnt work. And political parties are not good!! As well, only in the social contract you can have real (private) property. I struggles to understand the difference between Sovereign and state. A good point expressed is legislation needs to been understood by the people. So it is very important how the language is used to express ideas. So I was quite surprised by that, looks like a genuine interest to reach the masses and he was aware of that difference. Too, the proportion of inhabitants per land benefits different political systems. And the legislator looks a like a special human being that is going to the best for Society. That’s for me one the “most” romantic things in the book. It reminds me a bit to the dictatorship of the proletariat. That is not going to work because Man is not good by nature.
There is a division of power between legislation and executive. Legislation is based on Equality and Liberty (and you add Fraternite’ = France 🙂
It is important of the number of magistrates in a government. It is curious because I think this happens nowadays with parliaments and civil servants.
I expected the book to be mainly focus in “democracy” but when reading about the classification of governments: democracy, aristocracy and monarchy. The best gov is mainly based on the size of the country. So democracy works best in small countries because leaving in a demo”crazy” requires “you” to be a very active part of the government. And looks like it is not very well suited for me… There are three types of aristocracy: natural, elective and hereditary, considering the “elective” the best. That for me, it is kind of the current democracies. We vote for somekind of elite and the govern for us….
And in any kind of government, the challenge is to put the good people in the correct post.
It is interesting that as well, based on the economy and weather!, different types of government are most suitable! And a government is not forever. It needs to change, that is a good thing we do, as power corrupts (man is not good by nature…) And it is very important to have periodic reunions to check on the status (like in Rome) and there shouldnt be a fix capital city so that keeps everybody on their toes regarding the government matters as it is something you can ignore.
Money is showed as a chain, so nothing really positive from an active member of society as it distracts you from the main goal: group will. As well, wealth can make you ignore your responsibilities in the social contract and with too much wealth, you have poverty. Another thing that doesnt work well as you can buy votes, etc etc.
One interesting point is that dictatorships sometimes are needed but must have a fix short term. This is mainly when there is agreements.
A nice quote: “It is easier to conquer than to rule” – true story
Interesting things I found is the death penalty is accepted. I am not sure if I understood well but considers God as the source of Justice.
There is a section about “censorship” that is mainly to keep morality… I wasn’t very sure about this.
And the last part talks about religion. And the conclusion is clear, religion is not compatible with politics! 🙂 It puts as example mainly the Catholicism with Rome.
It is a very dense book of ideas and likely I have left many ideas out and not sure If I am understood all. But it is worth it. At the end, based on this book and myinterpretation, people should have follow the government advice about vaccination. But I feel biased anyway because that was what I was trying to verify.
I finished this book last week. I wasnt sure what was about but I liked it. It was a good refresh for keeping back the “peace” of mind. Its focus is Buddhism and mentions often the benefits of meditation while navigating a conflicting world/life. It reminds you to live the present, don’t hope, be groundless. There are a lot stories of main Buddhist figures dealing with different problems like when Buddha reached the illumination when the Maras attacked him, but he welcome them and didnt fight them. Something, as well, very important is to realize the path is the goal. In a so materialistic world, reading parts of the books is like cleaning your face with cold water. So refreshing, and wakes you up!
In general, it is a small book, quick to read and as I tell myself sometimes, I need to re-read some books. It is not the philosophical stone that is going to solve all problems but helps you to focus. This book or similar to be honest.
Finished today the third book of the Foundation series. It was short but really engaging. I liked again all the twists, meta-histories, etc around the “mystery” of the Second Foundation from the First Foundation members and others. The planning, the plots, the thrills, move your opinion to every direction but it is nice to follow the flow and hit the end wanting more.
My goal is to read all books of the series(and Dune) without much gap between of them as at the beginning of this one I was a bit lost remembering the earlier book. So I have homework!
I finished this book yesterday. After climbing, the sport I most enjoy is running. I am not a great runner and I am going by seasons but still there are few things better that a good run (with a good sweat) to feel you alive!
Due to injuries and time (I can’t have it all) I haven’t run as much as I would like but now with more daylight, I want to start doing it again and rest a bit of the bike.
This book is a bit of motivation and improvement. Mainly to run better without getting injured and coping with current ones.
The main idea is the body to move fluently as it was done in the past before we became office / chair-addicted. So it is not just a mechanic system of muscles, tendons, bones, etc. The missing element is the fascia (info1)
So taking that point of view, running takes a different approach. The author uses plenty of examples for natural African runners to ultra runners.
The summary is:
Foot Placement: Dont be afraid to using the whole foot. Thing of the tripod position
Cadence: around 175-180
Stride length: The key is to “cycle”.
Posture: Stand tall!
The head: look at the horizon, not down!
Arms: coordination with body
Natural lean: I think this is connected to the posture
Breathing: control it for not over-breathing
Mind: Some of the points above, need our mind to be conscious to make them happen and as well to remind us we are doing well. And this is very important for ultra races.
So, in my next runs, I will try to put in practice some of these points!
I finished this book this week. I have been climbing for a while and I really love it. But as well, for several years I think I am not improving. I dont make a living with climbing but I want to try more difficult routes and challenge myself.
So I decided I was going to start to try different things to get stronger and climb harder. First of all, early this year, after watching this video, I decided to put in use my beastmaker board that was gathering dust…
It took me a weekend of DIY for completing it…. But has been worth it. Although I haven’t managed to get an schedule to do it twice a day. I do it on weekends morning and some non-climbing weekdays. I think I feel some improvement though.
Later on, I started to do weighted pull-ups as recommended by a fellow climber from the gym. This was the excuse to buy a harness after soooo many years! 🙂
Since last year, I had a finger injury so that kept me out of proper climbing for several months but I discovered endurance. I was only able to make easy routes and put low stress in my finger so with time I managed an expected endurance. So I was happy with that and I am trying to get an endurance session each week (if my skin agrees with that).
As well, I had watched this video several times and it helped too.
In the last couple of months I started to get back to the normal climbing checking how my finger was feeling. So I decided to keep adding things. And the book has clarified many things. I really need to improve my finger strength. Something I have ignored as I always thought it was too much for me and it was easy to get injured.
Prioritise fingers and flexibility. Work in your “core”
Do high-intensity strength training when you are fresh and well rested.
Finger strength takes time, it is a slow process, dont rush it. And dont get injured!
Important is to warm-up and stretch. So this is always do so I am happy I have it in my routine.
The book gives a lot examples (and have very nice pictures) for exercises.
So I need to try things and build my training plan. And very likely get back to the book to refresh things.
I finished this ebook yesterday. Somehow I had some ebooks to read and they are kind of connected. This one is related to mindsets and relates to this book a read some time ago.
The goal is to have a “scout” mindset that a “soldier” mindset. A scout mindset is the one that see the world as it is, learns from mistakes, it is not biased (something quite difficult) and is flexible. The soldier one doesnt accept what it sees and try to rationalize its believe and mistakes. It relates to the concept of think fast, slow, where your take most of the decisions quickly and without much digging, something critical some thousands years ago . This doesnt really work nowadays for us. In general, we want a quick benefit although long-term is not the best.
The book gives many example of biases / soldier mindset, like Dreyfus affair, political views, feminism view, breast feeding, etc. And how the “experts” predictions are so bad.
Part of developing a scout mindset starts with the self-awareness, that is noticing your (many types) of bias that may change depending of the situation. Other steps are motivating without self-deception, influencing without overconfidence and be able to change your mind.
The last part of the book relates to identities that can make as “soldiers” and so missing opportunities so see other opinions more clearly.
In general, interesting book. And as usual, the goal is to take things and put them in practice.
One thing that I struggle with ebooks is the highlights and notes. In a normal book, I can highlight something and make a small note at the end of the book so I can get a “quick summary” of what I find interesting.
Somehow, just by chance, I feel the last three books I have read are connected. And this last one, has been a real slap in my face. And deserved.
In the last years, I have complained about stress at work, dissatisfaction, etc. And questions about what’s my goal in life. What I am really doing apart from working (and climbing and reading and cooking). As well, this is connected to my breakup.
I have changed job twice, and still in the same situation to be honest. I knew the problems wasn’t the job. It was me. It was my expectations. But still stuck.
I have read a lot about Stoicism, Buddhism, meditation, etc. And I really believe on those philosophies as the ground stones of my moral.
But I didn’t lead by example. That is the best piece of advice that my first manager in UK (and the person who gave me the chance to work here) told me and have always try to live by.
The book reminded me the worse experiences of my life: dead, heartbreaks, letdowns, etc. But then reminded me of the growth I experimented after that. I forgot those futsal games that were so intense, those kumites with people much more stronger than me, those difficult exams, competitions, races. I forgot the satisfaction of giving all, the learning, the challenge, the growth from defeat and failures. Growth.
And I know, without that stress, I wouldn’t have improved. So, I have been making things worse trying to escape it.
As the book says, pain is part of life, one way or the other, so you’r better off to deal with it face on because there are too many things out of our control. But we are in control of the most important one, ourselves.
So at the end, it is all about your mindset. The worse moments can bring the best of you. Because you are not alone there.
And this is a new habit I want back to the core of my moral. And think it is already working. For the last weeks I have been struggling with an injure and I knew my feelings about work were not helping. This week, I was nearly alone most of the week dealing with the major projects. Normally I would be very stressed. But I tried to think as challenges. Maybe the week was quieter than normal but I felt better at work and in my body.
I want to see if these are just words or a real shift. More challenging times will come (for sure).
I finished this ebook last week. It has been interesting to read about some techniques that I have used without really noticing like adding/removing things from my visual radar.
I believe that the key is to create your mindset and grow little by little (atomic). This in an investment in the long run, on you.
The big picture for building habits:
Obvious, Attractive, Easy and Satisfying:
The big picture for removing habits:
Invisible, Unattractive, Hard and Unsatisfying.
And this book makes references to “Man’s search for meaning”.
Some other notes from the summary:
Happiness is simple the absence of desire (The richest is not the one who has more things but the one with less needs – my grandmother told me that once)
Being curious is better than being smart.
Emotions drives behaviour. Your response tends to follow your emotions.
Suffering drives progress.
Satisfaction = Craving – Reward
Feelings come both before and after behaviour: Cue -> Craving (feeling) -> Response -> Reward (feeling)
