Author: flipaoXIX

This is an ebook about personal performance. You dont need the genetics, attend the best school, come from money, etc to be great. In many areas, the most successful individual were not prodigies. Although we have a lot of literature highlighting being a prodigy was the source of everything else. The book gives plenty of examples to contradice that. And this is a great example: Raging Rooks

With the right opportunity and motivation to learn, anyone can build the skills to achieve greater things. Potential is not a matter of where you start, but of how far you travel. The “soft” skill/qualities underrated: proactive, prosocial, disciplined, determined are more important that maths or reading skills.

Character: It is a learned capacity to live by your principles. It is how you show up on a hard day. Being comfortable being uncomfortable.

Character skills predict and produce success in life.

Then you need to the scaffolding to maintain those character skills when things dont go well (it will happen) Those structures will sustain your motivation. He puts the example of the Chilean mining accident in 2010 about the importance of “teaming”. It shows why intelligence agencies failed in early 2000 attacks

Finally, the book talks about building systems to expand opportunity. And the best example is the Finnish education system.

I will have to read it again (in paper)

To be honest, I struggled with this ebook. It is about spirituality without religion, the connection of consciousness and our brain (interesting the cases when people got removed something the brain hemispheres got disconnected), false gurus (you can apply this to many env in life: sport, work, etc), next-death-experiences, enlightenment and the use of psychedelics to open your mind.

This is an ebook about how to deal with life. Every person has its rules for living and I have read several book about rules so it is always interesting to see/read the different points of view from very different people.

This case is from a USA Seal and Admiral. Actually, I watched this video before buying the book. And hits your.

1- Start your day with a task completed: Make your bed to perfection. If you can’t make the little things right, you will never be able to do the big things right.

2- You can’t go it alone: You can’t paddle the boat (life) alone. Find someone to share your life with (struggling with this), make as many friends as possible (idem) and never forget that your success depends on others.

3- It’s not the size of your flippers that count, just the size of your heart matters: There is more in life that physical attributes.

4- Life is not fair, deal with it: The common people and the great men and women are all defined by how they deal with the life’s unfairness.

5- Failure can make you stronger: True leaders must learn from their failures, use the lessons to motivate themselves and not be afraid to try again or make the next tough decision (You will always make it to the Circus at some point)

6- You must date greatly: Without pushing your limits, without occasionally sliding down the rope headfirst, without daring greatly, you will never know what you are truly capable for.

7- Stand up to the bullies: Courage is within all of us. Dig deep.

8- Rise to the occasion: If you want to change the world, be your very best in the darkest moments.

9- Give people hope: If you want to change the world, start singing when you are up to your neck in mud. Like this. Lift up those around you and give them hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

10- Never, ever quit: This is the summary for all the above. If you refuse to give up on your dreams, stand tall and strong against the odds, then life will be what you make of it.

I decided to read this book after watching this video some months ago. As I am not able to make a move in my dating live… and it is nearly 6y. I know I am not going to discover the grail of dating but at least I can try to refresh ideas, find encouragement, you name it, to start the work.

The book is crystal clear. Get your shit together, know yourself, know what you want, know what you dont want, dont fall in some traps, etc.

One of the things that I have collected and stays with me so far, it is the importance of having a “tribe” a.k.a a social network. And maybe this is not the most important point in the book. Still, I have a very small tribe, they are few but they are the best. So I have to work in increase my social network, and that is not just good for dating.

Something I have been doing in the last months is going to Bachata social dancing on Wednesdays after class and Saturday nights. It is hard for me. It is getting out our my confort zone. But this is the only way to improve, and it is not just improving my bachata skills. It is being comfortable being uncomfortable, knowing that you may be rejected when asking for a dance, or dancing once with a person and that person will not want to dance with you (because I am not a good dancer) again. But step by step (literally) is getting a bit better. Still long way to go, but I must carry on. Sometimes I talk to people so it is good. I feel less weird in those moments because you are coming on your own (and I am not the only one) and looks like everybody is having a good time and socialising.

Chapter 1

Identify and understand your attachment style: I am fearful-avoidant. But I would like to be Secure.

The village/tribe concept: Until not long ago (maybe when online dating started), your dating pool was around your social circle. It can be a tribe, a village, your neighbourhood, work, sport, etc. And your close members of that tribe will want the best for your.

Be clear about your goal in the relationship: short-term, long-term, family, etc

Chapter 2

You have to know yourself, that means work on you and go through your traumas, problems, etc and heal. Then you can start dating properly, as you will have a better vision (less noise). Have an open mind and be a lifelong learner to be your best self.

Soulmates are made not found.

Chapter 3

1st Be happy with yourself + self awareness -> successful relationship

=>

Good relationship -> makes you happier/healthier

Chapter 4

We are living in a changing world so we have to adapt and find the best approach to find our partner. And that includes online dating

Chapter 5

This is basic statistics and probability. The more people you can meet, the more chances you will have to find a partner. This is your job. And way to increase your social reach is using “those” weak connections (a friend you dont see often, a place, etc)

Chapter 6

Say what you want, be intentional. First impressions are important so make a strong one (I am going to struggle here). Work in your “social capital”: identify the things in your life you are passionate about and work towards becoming exceptional at them, and the important thing, it is not the goal, it is the journey.

Chapter 7: Green Flags

What you want and what you need are not the same. This applies to dating too. So make rational decisions about the criteria for your partner. There is a reference to Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages“. It is important to identify them, and they dont have to match. But they are not all.

Green Flags:

• Emotional Fitness

• Courageous Vision:

• Resilient Resourcefulness:

• Open-minded Understanding:

• Compassionate Support

Summary here: Choose someone who matches your values, who will challenge you to grow and has the character to be for the good and bad times.

Chapter 8: Red Flags

Value your self-worth and refuse to settle for anything less than you deserve. That means you have to be very honest with your self and do the work.

Read Flags: Narcissism, Psychopathy, Machiavellianism and Sadism

Chapter 9: Commitment

Four elements of commitment readiness: trust, effective conflict resolution, high relationship satisfaction and not thinking there are better options available (you will be forever in the “game”)

Three things to make a relationship to work in the long term:

• No Defensiveness, No Stonewalling, No Criticism, No Contempt
• Relationship equity
• Feeling your are becoming better, your best self

And you need to talk about all the above with your partner -> that means assertiveness and courage.

I finished the second part of The Three-Body Problem. It has hooked me again until the end. To be picky, how the hibernation was figured out? 🙂 And it is clear that being limited by the Sophons had to have an impact…

I liked the two axioms for cosmic civilization: 1) survival is the primary need of civilization 2) civilization continuosly grows and expands, but the total matter in the universe remains constant (that reminds me to you can’t destroy energy, just transform it). Plus “benevolence” and “malice”. You have all the tools now to survive in the dark forest that is the galaxy 🙂

And love. That came out of the blue.