I have been quite surprised by this book. It is based on the psychology work from Alfred Adler. And i take it more as philosophy than anything else.
It is based on teleology: the study of the purpose of a given phenomenon, instead of its cause (that is aetiology). We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to those past experiences. So it negates the influence of the past and traumas. The important thing is not what one is born with, but what use one makes of that equipment. We need the courage to be happy, because that needs change (the lifestyle), and it is scary. As well, this makes you to focus in the present.
All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. Personally, I feel my goal is not to be hurt in relationships with other people. But it is impossible not to get hurt (or hurt somebody).
Feelings of inferiority are subjective assumptions (and excuses), and those we can change it. Boasting is an inverted feeling of inferiority. If one really has confidence, one doesnt need to boast.
Life is not a competition (winner vs looser) and this applies to Relationships too. This make you see people as comrades. Only compare with your ideal self. You are the only one worrying about your appearance. When there is competition, there is a power struggle. Avoid the conflict as soon as possible, dont answer the action with a reaction (this is not admitting defeat though), because this evolves to a revenge.
Our objectives are: self-reliant (I have the ability) and live in harmony with society (people are my comrades). Our life tasks are: tasks of work, frienship and love
Life lie = I am making up flaws in other people just so that I can avoid my life tasks, and more, I can avoid interpersonal relationships -> courage.
As we have our tasks, the other have their tasks. As we focus in our task, looking for recognition is debilitating, it creates a dependency, a vertical relationship (you want horizontal relationship). Do not live to satisfy the expectations of others. This means freedom. Freedom to be disliked by other people. The same way, you dont have to praise or debuke. Saying “Thank you” is good enough
This leads to the goal of interpersonal relationships, that is the feeling of community. This is acquired by your own efforts, active commitment.