Category: books

I have been quite surprised by this book. It is based on the psychology work from Alfred Adler. And i take it more as philosophy than anything else.

It is based on teleology: the study of the purpose of a given phenomenon, instead of its cause (that is aetiology). We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to those past experiences. So it negates the influence of the past and traumas. The important thing is not what one is born with, but what use one makes of that equipment. We need the courage to be happy, because that needs change (the lifestyle), and it is scary. As well, this makes you to focus in the present.

All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. Personally, I feel my goal is not to be hurt in relationships with other people. But it is impossible not to get hurt (or hurt somebody).

Feelings of inferiority are subjective assumptions (and excuses), and those we can change it. Boasting is an inverted feeling of inferiority. If one really has confidence, one doesnt need to boast.

Life is not a competition (winner vs looser) and this applies to Relationships too. This make you see people as comrades. Only compare with your ideal self. You are the only one worrying about your appearance. When there is competition, there is a power struggle. Avoid the conflict as soon as possible, dont answer the action with a reaction (this is not admitting defeat though), because this evolves to a revenge.

Our objectives are: self-reliant (I have the ability) and live in harmony with society (people are my comrades). Our life tasks are: tasks of work, frienship and love

Life lie = I am making up flaws in other people just so that I can avoid my life tasks, and more, I can avoid interpersonal relationships -> courage.

As we have our tasks, the other have their tasks. As we focus in our task, looking for recognition is debilitating, it creates a dependency, a vertical relationship (you want horizontal relationship). Do not live to satisfy the expectations of others. This means freedom. Freedom to be disliked by other people. The same way, you dont have to praise or debuke. Saying “Thank you” is good enough

This leads to the goal of interpersonal relationships, that is the feeling of community. This is acquired by your own efforts, active commitment.

Very interesting book. In Western Work we know a lot about Roman Empire, Alexander the Great, etc. But we dont look very often to Asia. And Gengish Khan and the following Mongol empires shaped much of the world society on the time and until know.

He was focused in meritocracy. As part of his war strategy, it was the elimination of the aristocracy of the conquered land. Very strong focus in integration. They never imposed their culture, they had full freedom for religious belief. They were brutal in war but never cruel. Torture was common in Europe and other empires, for them, it was against their belief.

They had a very clear war strategy: light travel, fast striking. They had few luggage and basic diet. They cleared the path for their horses for advancing and returning. So they destroyed and agriculture over their conquering paths.

It is interesting how Genghis Khan crumbled after his death because he didnt manage this family properly. But still, the new kingdoms kept a balance for a long time.

And something that reminded me to Rome, they had to keep expanding the empire just to keep happy the capital…. They introduced the paper money and women ruled when the men were fighting… and their campaigns lasted years!

Trade was critical for Mongols. They reached Hungary and the Balkans. They trade slaves with Venice and Genoa.

The climate was critical for their success, when the weather became warmer, their pastures were less productive in Mongolia, they had less horses, so the base of their strength was tilted.

They were master of propaganda, to spread fear so they conquering was easier. The empire was based on good army, good propaganda and good administration (just think of the sear size of the empire). They founded public education.

Mongols unified China. I didnt know that, they founded Beijing and started Forbidden City. They created the Chinese identity but they followed the mongol customes behind the curtines.

And the end of it was the Plague. The Plague stopped commerce and people. Without the fluid transit of people and goods, they couldnt keep it together.

And it is really shocking the bad reputation that has been written about Mongols after their incredible empire and success.

This is a tiny book I found in a toilet during holidays a couple of years ago. I bought a while ago and can’t find it anymore, this is one from the same author.

Fall in love (only when you can’t help it)

Dont forget that there are always consequences

When you get bucked off, get back on

Skin you own deer

If it breaks, fix it.

Never cut, what you can untie

If you make a mess, clean it up

Talk less and say more

Never betray a Trust

Make apologies, not excuses

Don’t get even, get over it

Dont waste good money on cheap boots

Help what you can; endure what you can’t

Do it Today, tomorrow is promised to no one.

Never miss a chance to Dance

Act right, behave yourself, do your job, and things will turn out all right

Take care of your knees; you are going to need them all your life

Do your best, that’s all.

Very good ebook.

Three types of conversation

• Do you want to be helped? – What’s this really about? Decision Making mindset. Lean into data and reasoning

What does everyone want? How will we make choices together?

How to figure out what this is really about? First, recognize that this is a negotiation. Next determine what does everyone want? Then how will we make choices together?

• Do you want to be hugged? – How do we feel? Emotional mindset. Lean into stories and compassion

Ask questions -> creates vulnerability -> triggers emotional contagion -> elicits connection -> prompt more questions ….

In a conflict, we learn why are fighting by discussing emotions.

In a conflict, we draw out emotions by proving we are listening.

In a conflict, we prove we are listening by looping for understanding: ask questions, summarize what you heard, ask if you got it right.

In a conflict, focus in controlling:

1. Yourself
2. Your environment
3. The conflict boundaries

Check mood and energy!

• Do you want to be heard? – Who are we? Social mindset

We all posses social identities that shape how we speak and hear.

how to talk about who we are:

1. Draw out multiple identities
2. Put everyone on equal footing
3. Create a new group by building on existing identities

Be aware of this loop:

Telling someone they belong to a group they abhor -> triggers identity threat -> causes defensiveness -> prompts counter-attacks -> leads to telling someone they belong to a group they abhor -> loop

Before discussion:

1. What do you hope to accomplish?
2. How will this conversation start?
3. What obstacles might emerge?
4. When those obstacles appear, what’s the plan?
5. What are the benefits of this dialogue?

Rules:

1. Pay attention to what kind of conversation is occurring (above)
2. Share your goals, and ask what others are seeking: prepare for the conversation. Ask many questions!
3. Ask about others’ feelings, and share your own
4. Explore if identities are important to this discussion.

The examples of “The Big Bang Theory” (how do you hear emotions no one says aloud?,) the court case, guns ownership, anti-vax, COVID, football team, netflix (no-rules), etc are really good.

I got this book as an offer. I has been long to read and sometimes thought to leave it. I try to take the positive side. I learned about the different Apollo missions, challenges, failures, successes and the people who step on the Moon. Each one with its own peculiar character.

One can think that the huge investment in taking humans in the moon has not been recovered. I think that helped the USA beat the URSS, and get something positive while Vietnam war…

Maybe we need something similar again, a far fetched goal that gets us together and focus in something bigger than ourselves.

This book is about the end of the Roman Republic. How the social tension (abuse of politician taking taxes, slavery, etc), corruption (Senators taking bribes), unequal wealth distribution (few had property, Senator were super rich), immigration (Romans didnt want Italians to have Roman citizenship) evolved to violence, civil wars and finally the dictatorship of Sulla. There are many people mentioned in the book, how the rise to power and how they are killed (most of them). Looks like a routine. Most of them didnt know them. I guess we learn mostly the Emperors in school and not much about the Republic. One example is Marius.

It is striking how things are so similar more than 2000 years ago. I read the book as a recommendation as it shows what can happen to the current empire (USA). It can be pessimistic but you can see patterns, not just in USA but in the rest of the world.

And it is incredible how just one city, had some much influence in that region of the world. The republic expanded to feed Rome, to keep the price of grain low, to keep the population content… it is crazy.

There were a lot orators, but the power came mainly from serving in the legion, wining warns. The army is the base on any empire, old and new.

This book was a gift from Christmas and to be honest, nothing special, I will always remember the “Pillars of the Earth”. The plot is a bit similar but fails to deliver. Still, I have read many really good books from Ken Follet, so no complains.